I’m going to come clean right now, right here and straight out announce that I am turning 29 come August this year.
With the status of being ridiculously Single As F*** and Zero Intention of getting hitched.
What inspired me to pen down this piece is the expanding phenomenon that’s happening around me at this point of my life, and it’s spinning out of control. And I can’t, in my dear conscience let it just slipped past. It worries me, a little. WHY? You asked. I’ll tell you precisely Why.
Asian Women are Rushing To Get Themselves Married By The Age Of 30.
As if the end of the World is going to come, as if apocalypse’s going to hit, as if if it’s a life & death situation. Yes, I’m talking about the Ladies here. Getting themselves all freaked out unnecessarily.
“What’s taking him so long?..What Is He DOING?..Why hasn’t he pop the question yet?? Doesn’t he knows I’m not getting any Younger? That egg of mine isn’t gonna Wait! Haven’t you heard? Getting pregnant after 30 is such a risk to your health! I NEED TO GET MARRIED PRONTO.” My friends wailed in front of me while I did whatever the hell I was doing during that moment.
Just this one night not long ago suddenly everyone’s talking about babies and marriage(life) all around me at one table and I had no choice but to sit in and listen and contribute ideas(if I can squeeze some). Nobody wants to talk about adventures and career goals anymore. And I was hit with the realization that, wow I’m really falling behind now, it’s really happening. My close friends are all moving on towards the next stage, without me. Heck, suddenly this has felt like a Rat Race! Which it shouldn’t be! This is something concerning to the Heart for crying out loud.
Maybe it’s an Asian Thing. The way that we were bought up. Our parents. Our grandparents. The Mother-In-Law. Our traditions. Our superstitions(for the non-Christians). Our culture. All sharing the One same thinking: We need to get her pregnant by the time she hit her 30(s). Stress Alert anyone?
“BUT IT’S A FREAKING MARRIAGE!” I wanted to shake my single girlfriends, but I didn’t. If it’s the Right Man though and both of you have been dating for Ages, of course, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? So don’t get me wrong, I Love Weddings. LOVE. I could never get Enough. To me it’s just one of life ‘s most Sacred Beautiful Moment as you watched two strangers finally uniting as One. Both of you belong to each other and no one else. It’s the Best thing that could ever happened to you. and it should only happen Once in a lifetime. Whoever you decide, he should be The Only One who grows old with you. Unless, life’s circumstances occur that tears you apart but that’s a different chapter to cover.
What makes me squirming around in my seat is the fact that people wanted to get married just to get pregnant as soon as possible, or just because she’s Not getting any younger without even weighing all the other consequences – Say What? Contrary to beliefs, I stand strong to the fact that it takes Time before handing yourself completely to another person. No matter how Smitten or “In Love” you think you are.
Feelings Change. People Change.
Of course, in between you gotta put in the effort too to sustain that relationship. But The Point Is, if a man really loves you, all his sweet and caring ways during the beginning of your dating stage will Never Go Away. He will Never abandon you and find another. The only way to know him, to observe, is Time.
And then there’s Life After Marriage. A Whole New Chapter. The Beginning of Your Love. Two minds coming together as One. Kids, mortgage, finance, families politic, schedules, future plans, conflicts. Your marriage could crack if your love foundation wasn’t set strong enough. YOLO doesn’t stand a chance here. Believe me when I said I too used to have the intention that if someday a man were to come and swept me off my feet, making me feel like I’ll never love that way again, I would married him. Doesn’t matter if I only knew him for 6 months or 1 year. That was my intention one year ago.
Now I know better. I don’t want to live the risk of marrying the second time again. I want to Love him and Only him for the rest of my life. And I wish the same for you.
I understand fully about the correlation of pregnancy and age. It’s True. The chance does gets lower and lower as years pass and you health will be at somewhat of a risk if you so happen to get your bundle of joy. Do I worry? Yes, I do. In fact I’m shaking a little inside now weighing about this. But then again, if I let myself get too wrapped up in this, the world would pass me by. All of life’s exciting moments and what-could-have would pass me by. I could end up marrying the Wrong Man.
So what’s a girl gonna do? The way I see it, take it with a grain of salt. I have learnt So Much during the past to know that never to take life too seriously. Times have changed, things are never the same ever again. What’s yours will be, what’s not, well just shrug it off(at least try to). If you were destined to be married at 50, so be it. If you were destined to not being able to bear a child? So be it. You can’t twist what’s life’s meant to be. It’s the same theory as some people were born rich while some were born wretched. I know it’s depressing at one point, but honey, GOD will Always know what’s Best for you. You’re HIS Perfect Plan sweetheart. Everyone of us living on this earth is.
Don’t worry too much or force it. Your time will come. When the both of you are equally Ready(let the poor guy breathe). Forget about the age. Forget about needing to squeeze out that baby before your ovaries get too old(there’s always technology anyway).Forget about following the crowd.
Start from now, right where you are, take good care of your health, exercise, eat healthy, Maintain A Healthy Lifestyle. That’s what I would do to give myself a stronger body even if I hit well over my 30s(or even 40s), bearing a baby. People suffer because a lot of times, they underestimate the benefit of being healthy while they’re young. If you can’t change your circumstances, at least try to do something to be prepared for it.
If you are anything like me, another reason I have no intention of tying the knot now is because though I have a clear idea of who I am now, my life at this point still feels like a Zero, no where here and no where there. Regardless of all the things I have done or even achieved in the past. I am just here fleeting, like a paper drifting about in the wind without a solid ground. What am I gonna achieve in this life? What exactly is it gonna be? It’s feeling like I haven’t even gotten past the first stage of life, how am I supposed to head to the second? I dread that feeling of emptiness and right now being single gives me that luxury to fill that up, doing the things I’m supposed to do to get near to that, and yes I’m on my way now. Plus, the idea of having a baby of my own freaks the hell out of me at this point- How am I gonna make sure he/she survives?
And if you’re not anything like me at all, reading this and disagreeing with me at some points; instead of worrying, I did still ask you to Breathe, and Enjoy Life:)