Can You Hear It?

“I’m seeing someone else.” She/He said. You loved them with all your heart.

“Sorry we just aren’t suitable together.” He/She said. You loved them with all your heart.

“Sorry but we think you aren’t the right fit. All the best in your future undertakings.” Said the interviewer. Said the employer. Said the letter from the institution. So close, so close to nailing that dream job, to nailing that dream academy.

“I’m sorry but I’m afraid he/she couldn’t make it through this time.” Said the doctor. He/she was your Everything.

Can you hear it?

That deep quiet, sudden slump.

A sound so deeply gratifying you were amaze the person next to you didn’t even hear a trace of it.

The smell of dread filled your lungs.

The first crack.

As it slowly grew. Maneuvered it’s way, quietly and swiftly through the first quarter of your heart.

You felt it. A sensation you never thought would happen to you. But it did. Tripping you over without mercy before you even sharpen your armor in time.

Making you cringed. Making your head spin. You blinked. The dependable urge to reach for something before your body gives away.

What? Why? How? When? Where? Your heart was screaming. A tornado was erupting.

But for that first few moment, you refuse to let the world see what’s going on in your private universe.

You closed your eyes.

As you fixated your eyes back into the vibrant world surrounding you- Everything seemed Pitch Black. Grey. Grim. Worthless. Hopeless.

The world still goes on. You could still hear chattering and laughter. Excited conversations. Movements. Presences. Smells. Temperature. Everything else BUT YOU seems perfect. And you wondered: what would it be like to live in a perfect world?

No one around you in that instant knew what just happened.

But what’s going on right then and there in your world? felt like. the end of the world. Hanging on a cliff, you knew right in that moment you’re gonna plummet down onto solid earth. No one can save you. They can’t. At least not then.

You forgot how to function like always. You forgot your sole purpose for a moment.

The usual joy you felt from things in life, right to the smallest ones. have lost their allure.

You might call someone. You might show up at their house. You might send a text. A refuge you could seek for. Or you might not.

You might forget about everyone else that’s ever existed in your life. Your closest friends or family might felt like alienated strangers to you suddenly. Simply because, you wanted to be left alone now more than ever.

Back under your duvet. Curl up as small as you can. And ponder what went wrong.

As past memories and crushed dreams started to cave in, it began. Streams of warmth filled your face, as your nose filled and you started gasping.

You let go.

Of what you’d been holding in.

How do you learn to live suddenly without that person dear to you? What can you do to still reach that life goal? That dream?

So Dark.

“Will I survive through this? Will I find something better that I cared as much?” You asked yourself when the whole world had fallen asleep. The answer to those questions seem grim at the moment. Rains of moonlight shining through your window sill as you stared and marveled at the beauty of it at the same time.

Thinking how did you ever get to this point.

As your mind started to shut down, you gradually gave up, let the tears dry, hug yourself with every way that you can and shut your eyes.

Thankful for the fact that sleep is here to rescue you.

But you knew. That tomorrow you’re going to wake up probably feeling even worse. When dawn cracks. When your mind slowly shifted back to reality. Your heart would have to endure the pain All Over Again. And again. And again. Day after day. Months. Probably even years.

But you also knew.

That one day you will wake up not missing that person anymore. You will be happy for them knowing they are at a good place now. Knowing that some things really just aren’t meant for you, it isn’t fair, but that’s okay. Knowing that with enough faith and determination, you can still get to where you want to be eventually.

That, one day you will see that light shining towards you at the end of the tunnel. It will come. Without a doubt.

Something better will come.

That one day you will be able to connect the dots on your own. This fascinating map that the Lord has crafted out for you. And you’ll smile to yourself.

You’ll go on and tell your stories. To inspire others. To motivate others.

To tell them, it isn’t the end of the road. Life is so beautiful, if only you could see.

You will be filled with hope again. Sunshine and rainbows.

You will survive.

But all of that? Isn’t today. Not now. Not at the moment.

Because when you care about something/someone with all your heart, with the understanding of love that overwhelms you even, the pain of losing it at the end of the day doesn’t just Go Away.

It’s going to take closure. It’s going to take time.

Can you hear it?

That deep quiet, sudden slump.

That’s the sound of a heartbreak.

Till Then.

xOxO, ALs


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